By David DiCerto
Catholic News Service

NEW YORK (CNS) -- Throughout the history of Western civilization, artists have reflected on what the church has traditionally called the seven deadly sins. Hieronymus Bosch painted them, Dante immortalized them in poetry; in 1995 David Fincher even made them the theme of his noir serial-killer movie.

Choosing one of the seven, director Barry Levinson joins the list with "Envy," a comedy that is anything but divine, and full of humor flatter than Bosch's canvas.

Jack Black and Ben Stiller star as Nick Vanderpark and Tim Dingman, two working stiffs who, in addition to being neighbors, are also best friends. Tim (Stiller) is a play-it-safe pragmatist, whose idea of "making it" is the ergonomic chair that comes with his lower-management position at the sandpaper factory where they work. Nick (Black) is a dreamer who is always coming up with harebrained get-rich schemes, with nay-saying Tim playing the reliable role of bubble-buster.

Yet after years of having his moneymaking ideas pooh-poohed, Nick comes up with a billion-dollar brainstorm that actually pays off: "Vapoorize," a spray that makes dog poop disappear. Practically overnight, grateful dog-walkers around the world make him filthy rich. Resisting the move to a tonier ZIP code, Nick, whose head does not swell along with his bank account, uses his new wealth to erect a palatial mansion, complete with a carousel, indoor bowling alley and a bed that "sleeps nine comfortably."

Meanwhile, across the street, Tim, having passed up the chance to get in on the ground floor, grows green with envy as he watches Nick's green grow. The missed opportunity also causes a strain on Tim's relationship with his wife (Rachel Weisz), who is furious that he didn't listen to her and invest $2,000 in Nick's cockeyed concept.

Nick, who assumes that his buddy is happy for him, remains blissfully unaware of Tim's all-consuming jealousy -- which, in addition to threatening his marriage, costs him his job and perhaps his friendship, not to mention his sanity.

Though one would naturally assume that a tag team of Stiller and Black would give one's funny bone a good work out, don't worry: There is little chance that your laugh muscles will break a sweat, let alone bust a gut. Christopher Walken plays J-Man, a bohemian drifter who fans the flames of Tim's envy, salvaging at least those scenes in which he appears with his signature oddball kookiness.

Among the film's many lame attempts at humor, the dumbest revolves around an ongoing slapstick gag involving Nick's beloved white horse named Corky, whom Tim thinks he has killed in a drunken stupor and then, aided by Walken, tries to dispose of, with increasing difficulty.

While the idea of using comedy to explore the very serious sin of envy is, in itself, very interesting, we as Catholics realize that jealousy is no laughing matter. St. Thomas Aquinas defined envy -- "invidia" in Latin -- as, "sorrow at another's goods." And though each of the seven deadly sins is bad for the soul in its own way, contemporary Catholic philosopher Peter Kreeft points out that "envy is the only one that gives the sinner no pleasure at all, not even the fake and temporary satisfaction" of, say, gluttony or lust.

Sadly, there is not much to covet in "Envy." In fact, viewers may find themselves tempted toward another of the deadly sins -- anger -- for having paid money to see it.

Perhaps someone could invent a vaporizer that, when sprayed over crowds coming out of the theater, all memories of this clunker will disappear.

Due to an instance of rough language, recurring crude sexual language and potty humor, and some comic violence, the USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is A-III -- adults. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is PG-13 -- parents are strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.

* DiCerto is on the staff of the Office for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.